I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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