she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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