Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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