Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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