david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
