Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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