so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
