so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
