If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
