Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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