She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
