My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
