Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
