Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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