while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
