Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
are you so shy because you have an std?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
