have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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