when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
