My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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