I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
