now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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