Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
