We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
