then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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