I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
