i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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