what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
