he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
