yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
