2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
