I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
