Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
