Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's like heaven, but drunker
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
