I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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