I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
