He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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