guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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