I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
