You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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