Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
