You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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