I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
