Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
