My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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