New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
