he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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