you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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