3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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