So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
