I looked at my own cervix.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
